Now, isn't that the way? A young girl in college, trying to find herself, identifying with every movie she sees, or book she reads. Suffice it to say, I am lost. And like Liz, in Eat Pray Love, I would take a year to travel in search of my word, if I could. Unfortunately, it's not a feasible plan right now. Instead, I'm going to take advantage of the New Year, 2011.
According to the Chinese Zodiac, like many of my peers, I was born in the year of the Rabbit - 1987. Children of the Rabbit are known to be creative, compassionate and sensitive. Also classy, sophisticated, expressive, well-mannered and stylish. Soundingly appropriate, I must say. And if you so choose to believe, 2011 is deemed the year of the Rabbit. This is going to be my year.
It is common as the New Year rolls around, for people to reflect on the past and present, see what they would like to change, and resolve that this year will be different. We make empty promises to ourselves, never achieving our goals, because once February hits, the resolution is forgotten. But when December 31st returns... I swear this time I will fulfil that promise to myself.
Sometimes these resolutions are just ridiculous: I will swear off men ...I will save the planet ...I will be engaged by December. Ultimately, these aspirations fall through as we end up dating anything with a pulse in an attempt to fill the emptiness within ourselves, we make a small donation to end world hunger, and spend Christmas single and alone, because some things cannot be forced or predicted. And some things cannot be accomplished by yourself.
Then there are those resolutions that are quite simple and attainable: I will lose 20lbs ...I will organize my house (and keep it that way) ...I will pay all my bills on time. Fairly reachable, if you set your mind to it. Not at all far fetched. But, as time progresses, we get lazy and wrapped up in the drama and chaos of our lives and convince ourselves that we'll do better next time. We end up gaining 10lbs, throwing everything in the closest and muting the phone when the debt collectors call. In the course of a year, we fail ourselves, try to forgive ourselves, but end with regret, promising that it won't happen again ...only to repeat the cycle, once more with feeling.
In an attempt to avoid this ecliptic tract, my subject of ambition for the year of the Rabbit is simply to find my word. Not necessarily the word for my lifetime, because I most definitely will continue to change, but the word that makes me who I am ...for now. Not what I do, or what I look like, or describing my personality, just a word that is me. It is likely that this will take longer than a year, but this will be the beginning. I will keep to the path, and along the way I will find my beauty, graduate from school, and enter a brave new world. On this, my own quest for the Holy Grail, there will be many obstacles to overcome, many goals to reach, and many friends to make, all-the-while I'll be searching ...searching for me. As long as I stay on this path, no matter how long it takes, I will hold no regret. That is my resolution.
I hope you all have a Happy and Prosperous New Year! Thank you for reading.
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