A Dysfunctional Morning

Dear World,

Today I've given lots of thought to the phase "I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning". What a odd expression! If taken literally, then how can any one side of the bed be deemed the right or wrong side, especially when you sleep alone. It's all the same bed. There are no Bed Police. Yet somehow, waking up on this metaphorical "wrong side", puts you in the most terrible mood for no good reason, except to say that your bed is at fault. Perhaps there should be Bed Police to prevent the diffusion of melancholy mornings throughout the nation!

Because I had no Bed Police to protect and serve me this morning, I did indeed wake up on the wrong side of the bed and am in the worst of moods. I'm not entirely sure why, but it typically takes a nuclear explosion to wake me up in the mornings (or 4 alarm clocks). Unfortunately, my clocks have be progressively dying and now I'm just left to rely on my cellular device. The HTC Tilt will be the death of me! As I rolled over to see the sun shining through my bedroom window, I realized there is no way it was 6AM! I frantically reached for my phone to view the time, only to find that it had once again shut itself down. What?! I need to know what the time is!!! Hurry up you stupid "smart" phone! It finally turns on ....8:45AM! One missed call...from my boss. Oh NO!

I fell out of bed and looked in the mirror, only to see through my blurry vision what looked like a hungover 80's rock star staring back at me. WTF? How does my hair manage to stand up like that? I didn't realize I was related to Medusa. Ugh! There's no time! Being as neurotic as I am, I NEVER leave the house with at least my hair done, but I didn't have a choice today. The mop went up into an awful ponytail, I clumsily washed my face and brushed my teeth (not a good idea to try those at the same time), threw on whatever clothes I could find, grabbed my make up bag, and ran for the door, managing to crash into every piece of furniture on my way out. I made it to work an hour late, with hair gone wild, a makeup-less face, and absolutely ZERO caffeine in my system. I would say that is quite a dysfunctional way to start the day, and apparently, it's all my bed's fault!! I hope you had a better morning!

Despondently yours,

Kiersten