This summer has also brought a lot to my attention. I'm so determined to move forward but I can't let go of the past. I believe that my past has molded me into the person that I am, and I'm fully proud of how far I've come, but I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know how to balance between being completely vulnerable and putting up a wall. My head and my heart are in a constant battle: I thrive on emotion but I can't stand not having control. I'm fully aware of my problems I just don't know how to fix them. Now I'm paranoid. I've had this churning feeling in my stomach lately, that my ex is going to try to enter my life again, and I can't handle that. I know I'm a MUCH stronger person than I was but I can't shake this nervous feeling. Hopefully, it's nothing.
So I have a confession: I read my horoscope EVERY DAY! It's really bad but it's more out of curiosity. Sometimes it's really dumb and couldn't be more incorrect, but other times....it's annoyingly accurate. In fact, the ones I read today is what inspired me to write down my thoughts. Here's a brief synopsis, if you will:
- "You tend to confuse and complicate everything. You swirl around in that head of yours, thinking you're going to figure out the rules of the universe, when all you really need to do is slow down, calm down and keep it simple..."
- "You need to surrender to the timing of things and let go of your need to control the outcome..."
- "The best way for you to transform your situation is to examine and overcome limiting habits and attitudes formed as protective reactions to painful events in the past."
Like I said...annoyingly accurate. It's one thing to hear this come from loved ones, it's another thing to read it off of a freaking tarot card lol. I know I shouldn't read too much into this stuff but sometimes, strangely enough, it slaps you in the face with a bit of reality. Crazy, right?
On a lighter (and less crazy) note, I met some great people this year and also have built stronger relationships with others that were already in my life. Although not everything has gone the way I would have hoped for, I'm am incredibly thankful for ALL of my friends (and of course, my wonderful mother and brother). The lengthy, yet thoughtful conversations, the goofball jokes and silly moments, the tears and laughter...all of it, without each and every one of you, I would be so lost. Thank you so much.
Okie well I really need to get back to work. I think I've cleared my head for now. I hope most of it made sense...but who knows? haha Feel free to comment. I hope you all have a wonderful day!
